Was it a Dream?
Author’s Email: email@example.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Main pairing: Pellaz/Ulaume
Summary: Ulaume has a dream featuring Pellaz.
Disclaimer: Not mine. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters belong to Storm Constantine.
Warning: AU of course.
Beta read by Patricia and DA, thanks sweeties!
All remaining mistakes are mine.
Was it a Dream?
Ulaume was curled around Flick, but his chesnari’s presence offered him little comfort. They had been taken from Pellaz’ home, Ulaume’s hair had been cut off, and he had been beaten while Flick had suffered in his own way. Snuggling close and watching Flick sleep, Ulaume felt inferior to the other har once more. Flick was stronger than he was. Ulaume had always known that along with the knowledge that his chesnari was a better har. Flick had never done any of the sordid things he had. Flick had never stood by as a child had been offered to Lianvis’ dark forces. Flick had never tried to ask the dehara for Pellaz’ death. Each day of his life, Ulaume wondered why someone like Flick loved him and wanted to be with him.
Only recently had he become aware of his need for forgiveness of his past crimes. It had started the first night Flick and he had taken aruna to cure Terez. When he had asked Flick to consecrate him, Ulaume had realized just how tainted he felt. A small part of absolution had come in the form of Flick’s love. Flick had found him and loved him, but was it enough?
Ulaume pulled Flick closer and the other har moaned in the tight embrace. Brushing his lips over Flick’s brow, Ulaume whispered, “I’m sorry they got to you. I would have given my life to keep you safe.” Their abductors had dressed and treated Flick like a Kakkahaar whore and being mistreated that way had damaged Flick. “I’m so sorry.” Maybe it was the universe’s way to make him pay for past crimes. “Why couldn’t it have been me?” He would have endured and taken it as punishment for the evil things he had done.
His scalp and his soul still ached from the pain and humiliation he had suffered not so long ago, but Ulaume pushed the anguish away. He was determined to focus on Flick’s needs for the time being. Tears leaked from his eyes and he tucked Flick’s head beneath his chin. “I’m so sorry. I did everything wrong. My entire life is a mistake.” Crying softly, Ulaume closed his eyes. Exhaustion took over and he dozed off.
Ulaume looked about and found himself in strange surroundings. He was in a clearing where flowers grew in abundance. Roses, daffodils, and forget-me-nots surrounded him and grass teased his bare feet. This was most odd. Looking at the sky, he found that it was still night. A full moon accompanied by a myriad of stars stood high in the midnight sky and provided him with enough light to take in his surroundings.
Suddenly a pair of arms snuck around his waist and pulled him back. Ulaume wanted to turn around to fight off the possible attacker, but was turned in the arms and saw the face of the har standing close. He blinked. He had expected either one of their abductors to torment his dreams or Flick to come to the rescue, but the last har he had expected to see was Pellaz.
The Tigron’s eyes glowed and Ulaume was forced to avert his gaze. This wasn’t the har he had tried to seduce when Pellaz had been visiting Lianvis’ camp. This was someone else. “Let me go,” he whispered and tried to break free of the constricting hold.
“No, stay.” Pellaz didn’t let go and even moved closer. “Look at me.”
Ulaume drew in a deep breath and raised his head so he could meet Pellaz’ gaze. “What do you want from me? Have you come to take me away so I won’t hurt Flick again? I know Flick and you were friends. In all probability you think I am bad for him and you are possibly right. But I don’t want to hurt him.” His eyes filled with new tears and he had no choice but to let them flow down his face.
Keeping one arm wrapped around Ulaume’s waist, Pellaz managed to attain a good hold on the other har. He raised his other hand so he could touch a tear that sat on Ulaume’s face. “I might have misjudged you.”
Ulaume’s eyes widened. “What?” How did Pellaz mean that?
Pellaz smiled saddened. “I thought you were evil when we first met, but I might have been wrong. You have changed.” It displeased him that he hadn’t seen the potential for good in Ulaume back then. “And you love Flick. I can sense it…” Pellaz’ hand traveled lower and rested on Ulaume’s chest near the har’s heart. “But these feelings weigh you down. Why are you so depressed, Ulaume?”
Cocking his head, Ulaume stared at the handsome vision standing so close to him. Pellaz had already been a beauty when the young har had visited Lianvis’ camp and now that he was Tigron, he looked even more attractive. His gold-tanned skin, the long raven hair, the ancient yet young eyes…all those things called to Ulaume. “I haven’t changed that much,” he admitted. “I still lust after you. I am still evil at heart.” That reminded him that an apology was in order. “I was out of order attacking you back then. I am sorry I did that.” He continued to look Pellaz in the eye for he wanted the other har to know that he meant it.
Pellaz nodded and the movement made his hair dance around his face. “I know you are sorry.” He sensed it in Ulaume’s mind. “They hurt you.”
Ulaume flinched and mourned his lost hair. How did Pellaz know what had happened? Had the Tigron been watching them? And if he had, why hadn’t Pellaz helped Flick?
“They chopped off your hair.” Pellaz’ fingertips caressed the short hair and Ulaume started to cry all over again. “Please understand, Ulaume. My hands were bound. I couldn’t interfere.”
Ulaume tried to struggle free once again. This time, Pellaz let him go. Since he was released unexpectedly, Ulaume stumbled over his feet and went down onto his knees. He wrapped his arms around his waist and started to rock. He hated showing such weakness in front of Pellaz, but his pain was stronger than his pride. “I don’t care what they did to me. But Flick…”
Pellaz knelt in front of Ulaume and placed his hands on either side of Ulaume’s face so he could raise it. “Ulaume, I know you believe that Flick is stronger than you, but I will let you in on a secret. Flick needs you. He needs you to be strong for him. I worry about the both of you.”
Ulaume’s tears came to a halt at hearing that. “You worry about me?” He found that hard to believe.
“You need something from me, don’t you?” Pellaz’ fingers glided down Ulaume’s shoulders and started to knead the tense flesh there. “You have needed something for a long time.”
Feeling trapped, Ulaume shook his head. “You are not real. You are not really here. This is a dream!”
Pellaz smiled mysteriously. “Maybe it is a dream, maybe not.” Moving closer, he searched Ulaume’s eyes. He leaned in closer and touched his lips to Ulaume’s. Ulaume tried to move away from him, but Pellaz didn’t allow it. The kiss became possessive and then changed into the sharing of breath.
Ulaume felt shocked to the core. Even for a dream, Pellaz’ lips felt remarkably soft and the strength dripping into his mind very real. “Stop this!” He pushed Pellaz away from him, but losing his support caused him to fall on his butt. Looking at Pellaz, who now hovered over him, his mouth went dry.
Pellaz shook his head. “No, we are not stopping yet. You need something from me and I am willing to give it to you.” Ulaume had better not turn him down. “You need my strength and you need forgiveness. I offer both.”
Unable to resist, Ulaume lay down on his back and Pellaz crawled atop him. The Tigron straddled his hips and Ulaume felt trapped beneath him. “I love Flick!”
Pellaz nodded. “I know you do.” Leaning in closer, he claimed Ulaume’s lips again and shared breath. In mind touch he said, /This isn’t about love or passion, Ulaume. This is about need./
Ulaume arched his back and his fingers, which had been buried in the grass, hesitantly came up along Pellaz’ back. /I dreamt of this,/ he admitted during a moment of vulnerability. Pellaz released his lips and, although his mind still reeled from the exchange of power that was happening between them, Ulaume managed to say, “I always wanted for this to happen just once.”
Stroking Ulaume’s brow, Pellaz nodded his head once. “Taking aruna with me won’t diminish your love for Flick.”
“Why would you take aruna with somehar as despicable as me?” Ulaume swallowed hard.
Pellaz chuckled. “You’re not despicable. You were misguided once, but Flick set you onto the right path.”
Ulaume considered everything. This was a dream. This wasn’t real. The real Pellaz would never want anything to do with him let alone take aruna with him. Why pass up this opportunity? It wasn’t like he was cheating on Flick. It was only a fucking dream!
Sensing Ulaume’s surrender, Pellaz unbuttoned his robes. He shrugged out of them and swayed naked on top of the other har. He was well aware of the fact that other hara found him irresistible and Ulaume was no exception.
Ulaume sucked in his breath when Pellaz pried his tattered clothes off his body. They were still on the run and hadn’t had a chance to acquire new clothes yet. “Don’t,” he said and tried to capture Pellaz’ hands in his. But Pellaz disrobed him further and Ulaume shivered as the cool midnight air blanketed his body. “Don’t look at me.” He was covered in bruises and cuts.
“Flick is a very lucky har,” Pellaz murmured as he bent from the waist to lap at Ulaume’s chest.
Arching his back, Ulaume groaned at the moist sensation. In his prior dreams, Pellaz had been soume and passive, but this dream was different. Pellaz was ouana and Ulaume could feel himself becoming soume.
Pellaz let his hands glide down Ulaume’s chest and rubbed his ouana-lim against the other har’s lower body. Ulaume’s reaction was instant. He completed the transformation to soume and his soume-lam glittered with moisture. Chuckling softly, Pellaz considered the willing har beneath him.
Feeling breathless, all Ulaume could do was wait for the other har to make his move. “Please, I need…”
“You need my strength and my forgiveness.” Pellaz caressed Ulaume’s neck and then slid his hands beneath the writhing har’s shoulders. “You will have it.”
Ulaume licked his lips hungrily. Power oozed from Pellaz’ pores and his abused body yearned for it. Pellaz’ strength would sustain him and after having been empowered, it would be easier to support Flick and be there for his chesnari. Pellaz sat cross-legged and then raised a hand, gesturing for him to move.
His soume lam throbbed with lust as Ulaume crawled onto Pellaz’ lap. His hands cradled the golden ouana-lim and the petals opened in preparation for aruna. Pellaz placed his hands around Ulaume’s waist and, with a display of power that Ulaume thought unnerving, lowered him onto the ouana-lim. He cried out at being invaded in such a way and threw back his head. Hair which he no longer had craved winding its strands around Pellaz’ body in order to caress it, but Ulaume pushed the sensation away. He panted hard as he took in the stem which would bloom shortly inside his body. Ulaume felt feverish and out of control, something which seldom happened to the experienced har. The fact that Pellaz was grinning wickedly at him only made his blood boil higher.
Greedy hands cupped his taunt buttocks and then squeezed, making Ulaume cry out in ecstasy. Panting, he stared at Pellaz. Pellaz reacted by raising him on his ouana-lim until the flowery head almost left Ulaume’s soume lam. Ulaume, delirious and in need for more, practically begged for Pellaz to bring him to the edge. Suddenly Pellaz pulled him down again, impaling him and a ripple of pleasure shot through him. “More,” he gasped and gave Pellaz a pleading look.
The amused expression on Pellaz’ face remained and the eyes twinkled when he complied. Thrusting upward, he buried himself deep inside Ulaume’s body. The punishing rhythm he then set was just what Ulaume craved.
Ulaume allowed Pellaz to posses him in such a way. He yearned to hand over control for a short period of time and be controlled that way. Pellaz knew that. Ulaume himself hadn’t known until that moment.
Wrapping his arms around Pellaz, Ulaume rested his head on the other har’s shoulder as he pushed down to further his pleasure. Each time Pellaz thrust upward, Ulaume met that thrust and cried out in pleasure. They couldn’t last long and soon, Ulaume was sobbing in Pellaz’ hold, begging the other har to end it.
Something hot erupted in his body and lashed out at his center. Ulaume screamed and tumbled over the edge, taking Pellaz with him. He clung to the Tigron and closed his eyes when something powerful rose from deep inside him. Pellaz’ essence was strengthening him.
Spent, Ulaume leaned heavily against Pellaz, who continued to hold him. His body was covered in sweat and his head throbbed while his mouth and throat went dry and his entire body trembled.
“I have been told that the essence of Tigron can be overwhelming. You should rest now,” Pellaz whispered into Ulaume’s ear. Ulaume would feel better – stronger — after he had rested. Pellaz lowered Ulaume onto the ground and severed the temporary physical connection between them. Ulaume’s eyes had closed, but the tremors coursing through the har’s body were gaining in intensity. Pellaz knelt at Ulaume’s side and smiled ruefully. “You won’t remember any of this when the morning comes. This is my gift to you and Flick.” He pressed a parting kiss onto Ulaume’s brow and then rose from the floor. As he walked away from Ulaume, he looked over his shoulder at the sleeping har. “All is well now,” he whispered and then vanished.
“Lor!” Flick felt distressed when he couldn’t wake Ulaume from his sleep. Terez was sneaking about somewhere and Flick hoped the other har would leave them alone a little longer. He needed to talk to Ulaume in private.
Ulaume’s eyes opened and, although they were unfocused, tried to look at him. Flick worried that cutting off the long dark hair had damaged Ulaume. The hair had always possessed a life of its own and having it cut off in such a brutal manner must have hurt Ulaume in ways Flick couldn’t fathom. “Please don’t do this to me, Lor. Not now.” Not when he was an emotional wreck himself.
Ulaume felt odd. He remembered going to bed feeling exhausted, but now his mind and body vibrated with life and energy. Flick’s upset expression registered with him and he buried his chesnari in an embrace. He pulled Flick down with him and the other har started to relax in his arms. “I was dreaming,” Ulaume whispered in an effort to comfort Flick.
“I was afraid you would never wake up again and leave me alone. I need you, Lor. I really do.”
“I know you do.” Ulaume pressed a kiss onto the crown of Flick’s head. “Don’t worry about me. I am strong. I will be strong for you. Together, we will overcome this.”
Flick raised his head so he could look Ulaume in the eye. Something had changed overnight. Ulaume no longer looked terrified or hurt. Instead, he radiated calm and strength and that was what Flick needed. He needed Ulaume to be calm and in control because he wasn’t. “Don’t ever leave me,” he whispered and closed his eyes. Ulaume’s calm washed over him like a soothing wave and he groaned.
Ulaume tightened the embrace and a determined glint shone from his eyes. “I will never leave you, Flick. Never.”
[Many years later…]
Ulaume felt deeply contented as he watched Flick play with their harling. Aleeme had hatched a month ago and completed their little family.
“You look happy,” Pellaz addressed Ulaume. At the same time, he smiled at Flick and waved at the harling.
“I am happy,” Ulaume replied. He leaned his back against the trunk of a tree and his gaze shifted from Flick to Pellaz, who had stretched out on the ground next to him. They were in the garden and the tree blocked the sun’s rays nicely. “I have a lot to be grateful for.”
Pellaz nodded and turned onto his side to watch Ulaume idly. His fingers stroked the grass and a thoughtful look appeared in his eyes. “The two of you overcame a lot.”
Ulaume perked up. There was something he had wanted to address for a time now, but the opportunity to do so had never come up. He coughed to clear his throat and then said, “Pell, I need to ask you something.”
Feeling relaxed, Pellaz nodded again. He placed his elbow on the grass and used it to support his head. Strands of Ulaume’s hair reached for his fingers and, amused, Pellaz allowed for the dark hair to curl around his hand.
Ulaume felt uncomfortable and it showed as his hair moved restlessly. Re-growing it had taken him years, but it had regained its former length and luster. “Lately, I have been having a recurring dream.”
“Go on.” Pellaz had no idea what Ulaume wanted to bring up.
“That dream has us taking aruna. You are ouana and I am soume.” Ulaume watched Pellaz closely. The Tigron’s face however showed no emotion, which was his first sign that something was wrong. “I have been having that dream for months and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I am cheating on Flick.”
Pellaz masked his reaction perfectly. No surprise showed on his face. “It is just a dream, Ulaume. Maybe you need to take aruna with Flick more often?”
Ulaume shook his head. “Flick and I take aruna all the time. That’s not it.” It frustrated him that he couldn’t read Pellaz’ reaction. At times, he cursed the perfect façade Pellaz had erected throughout the years. “I believe I had that dream before… Right after Terez freed Flick and me. Right after they…they cut off my hair.” He shivered. That particular memory still caused him pain.
Sitting upright, Pellaz watched Ulaume closely. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
Ulaume’s eyes widened. Had Pellaz just admitted he knew something about that dream?
Pellaz realized his mistake too late. “Well, it seems there is no longer any use in denying it now.”
“Will you explain this to me?” Ulaume stared at Pellaz
Pellaz shrugged. “I care about Flick, you know that. At that time, I couldn’t reach out to him personally. I only contacted him after that. I had to work via you.”
Ulaume quickly glanced over at Flick. Thankfully, his chesnari was fully focused on Aleeme. “You sent me that dream!”
Pellaz wished Ulaume had never brought up the matter, but he had to follow through now. “I poured my essence into you, Ulaume and it strengthened you.”
“We really took aruna?”
“After a fashion.” Pellaz tried to find a reason to excuse himself. Even though Ulaume and he had become close friends, discussing this made him feel ill at ease. “It was the only way for me to ensure you could be there for Flick the way he needed it.”
“Does Flick know?”
Pellaz shook his head and his dark hair danced on his shoulders. “I never wanted you to remember to begin with. I don’t know why you are remembering it now.”
Ulaume thought everything over and then took Pellaz’ hand in his. Pellaz gave him a surprised look and Ulaume quickly said, “Thank you for what you did. I don’t know if we could have made it without you. Flick needed me to be strong and I was devastated after they had chopped off my hair. You gave me the strength to focus on him.”
Pellaz blushed. “I only did what I had to do. I care about Flick…and I learned to care about you too.”
Ulaume smiled. Hearing that meant a lot to him. His gaze shifted again this time from Pellaz to Flick. /I love you,/ he sent Flick via mind touch. At the same time, he squeezed Pellaz’ fingers. /And thank you, Pell, for making this happen./