What We Are
Rating R – NC17
Summary Cal tries to find his own space in Phaonica
Spoilers Set after the first trilogy, so everything up to and including Fulfilments.
Disclaimer All characters and the world they inhabit belong to Storm Constantine. I’m simply playing with them.
What We Are
The room was dim and still as Cal padded silently towards the bathroom to wash. He left Pellaz sleeping soundly in the bed, the sheets and his hair tangled around him. Cal glanced back at the still form behind him before quietly slipping through the door of Pellaz’s bathroom and closing it behind him.
The room he entered was immense and Cal was still slightly in awe of it every time he came in here. Obviously the Gelaming liked their luxury. The room was divided by white columns and was tiled in cool blues and greens. A huge bath, the size of a decent swimming pool was in the center of the room, accessible by a gentle slope which led into its depths. The pool steamed, and the water was rich and inviting. Pellaz’s servants ensured it was ready for use whenever the Tigron might desire it. At the far end of the pool was a high lip from which at the flick of a lever water would spill in a waterfall to rinse off with. It was a far cry from the streams and pools Cal and Pellaz had bathed in when they traveled through Megalithica together.
But then, they were both a far way from Megalithica now.
Cal slipped off his robe, leaving it in a puddle on the floor and waded into the pool, letting out a sigh as the warm water swam about him. He slipped under the surface for a few seconds, letting the warmth envelope him completely. The bathroom had become something of a sanctuary for him in a city that was new and strange. Cal had so far been able to bathe in peace and privacy and he relished the Gelaming luxury that was seemingly endless and always at hand.
He surfaced then went to sit on a low bench on the side of the pool, letting his legs and arms float. The water reached his chin and Cal closed his eyes, letting the steam play over his face.
He needed escape in Immanion occasionally. The city was far more overwhelming than he had expected and his reunion with Pellaz mixed with bizarre emotions he perhaps had not anticipated. To be honest, Cal wasn’t even sure anymore what he thought would happen, but it surely wasn’t this. At once both his greatest desires and his darkest nightmares had been realised; Pellaz was both glorious and frightening. Different from the boy Cal had stolen away from the cable farm, different from the har he had traveled with; and yet…. somewhere the old Pellaz was there. Cal thought he could see him in the Tigron’s eyes when they lay in bed together, though perhaps it was an illusion. He had become so good at lying to himself he had to wonder if this was just another falsity. Did he want to see his Pellaz there so much that he projected the image into the Tigron’s eyes?
Frustrated, Cal rose and reached over to the gold handle which controlled the water flow into the bath. Pulling it he released a warm, wide stream of water. He stepped into it letting it pound onto his head and wash away his dark thoughts. Finally he emerged and pushed his sodden hair back from his face feeling cleaner, at least on the outside.
Suddenly he felt a cool hand touch his shoulder and he flinched. Pellaz. He hadn’t heard the other har come in over the rush of the water. He reached out and turned the flow off. Silence enveloped them and Pellaz took his hand away.
Cal remained with his back to the other har, trying to breathe deeply.
“I dreamt of this place,” He said finally.
Cal felt Pell move closer behind him. He kept his hands away, but Cal felt the light touch of Pellaz’s lips against the back of his shoulder. “Was I there?” Pellaz asked.
Cal sighed and reached back through the water to find Pell’s hands. He entwined their fingers and pulled Pell’s arms around him. “You were always there,” he said, meaning so much more.
Pell rested his forehead against Cal’s shoulder. “So were you,” he whispered, meaning just as much.
Cal released Pell’s hands and turned to look at him. Pellaz’s eyes were dark, his impossibly long hair tied up to keep it out of the water. Cal reached out smoothed his hand against Pell’s cheek. “Are you real?” He muttered. “For so long…. I…. God!” Cal shook his head and grimaced.
Pell leaned forward, sliding his arms around Cal’s waist and pressing his face against him. “I know,” he whispered. “It’s too much.”
“Too much,” Cal agreed. “And never enough.”
Their sharing of breath was tentative. Cal found aruna with Pellaz both wonderful and terrifying. The Tigron’s immense power churned within him when they joined and no matter if Pell was soume or ouana, Cal feared he would be swept away, completely devoured by this har with his beloved’s face. Though Cal didn’t know it, Pellaz found their aruna just as frightening. Cal had changed during their long separation and the education he had received on his path of healing infused him with his own power. One that was primal and intoxicating.
Pellaz pulled away and without meeting Cal’s eyes reached for a glass container of soap on the side of the bath. He poured some of the sweet smelling liquid into his hand and turned back. “Let me,” he motioned to Cal and the other har turned around to let Pellaz massage the soap into his hair.
Cal closed his eyes at the feeling of Pell’s fingers rubbing his head. Pell has achingly gentle and tender and it caused a lump to form in Cal’s throat.
When he was finished, Pell reached out and turned the fall of water back on, guiding Cal back into it to rinse off the soap. He pulled Cal from the spray and caressed his face, pushing his dripping hair back and studying him with wet eyes. Cal couldn’t take the look he saw there, he leaned forward and joined their lips again, feeling his breath seep into Pell.
Pell let out a soft sound and melted backwards, drawing them both towards the side of the bath. Cal realised what he wanted and took the initiative, pushing Pellaz gently against the tiled wall of the bath and lifting him slightly onto a ledge there. He entered Pellaz quickly and the darker har cried out. Pellaz pressed smeared kisses all over Cal’s face, whispering muted words that Cal could not hear.
Cal moved slowly inside Pellaz, arms tight around him. The water around them lapped gently at them and the steam seemed to grow thicker as their aruna built. They shared breath and Cal felt tears leak down his face as Pellaz’s soul embraced him, not terrifying this time, but encompassing, pure love. It was the same feeling Cal had experienced in the water fall before their reunion. Pell’s face was wet with his own tears as he gasped with every breath.
Finally, finally, the special movement happened and their orgasm was released. Had they been able to notice it, Cal and Pellaz would have seen the water around them glow for moments after their culmination.
When they came back down and Cal pulled away from Pellaz he felt both exhausted and invigorated— a strange combination that left his body feeling weak and shaky but his soul alive and sated. Pellaz was resting with his head tipped back against the wall and his eyes closed, his breath still coming in pants. Cal reached out and ran his hand down Pell’s face and Pell caught it and kissed his palm. They shared a shaky smile before Pell reached out and embraced the blond har, holding him close.
Cal returned Pellaz’s hold, resting his face against the other har’s neck. He took a shaky breath but realised the knot in his stomach had disappeared. He closed his eyes.