Wraeththu Wars – Episode IV: A New Inception

Wraeththu Wars – Episode IV: A New Inception
by Adam P. Knave

Story Notes

Title: Wraeththu Wars – Episode IV: A New Inception
Spoilers: Enchantments & Star Wars
Date Posted: April 2004

Author: Adam P. Knave
Contact: angrybluemonkey@hotmail.com

In the Beginning

Pellaz Skywalker:
Aunt Mima, why can’t I go to Grissecon School?

Mima:
When we took you in, we promised we wouldn’t send you there.

Pellaz Skywalker:
I’m going to go anyway! But first I should buy those new ‘bots, huh?

Mima:
Just go buy the ‘bots, then come brush your hair, dear.

Pellaz Skywalker:
Oh, all right!

*Pellaz stalks off to barter with Jawas*

Jawa 1:
Ootini!

Pellaz Skywalker:
I’ll take those two.

Lianvis-PO:
Yes, I will be happy to teach you many things. I am an expert in ritual rites as well as sacrifice.

R2Ulaume2:
*beep boop* *boop beep tweeee ti fweee*

Lianvis-PO:
Exactly R2Ulaume2, yes he will be happy to come with you as well.

R2Ulaume2:
*beep fwee* *Deeee dweet!*

Lianvis-PO:
Do not rock this boat, R2Ulaume2, there is chance for power here with our new ‘Master.’

Pellaz Skywalker:
I’ll take them both! They seem so nice and harmless!

At the Cave of Obi Seel Kenobi

Pellaz Skywalker:
Obi Seel! Can you teach me to be a Grissecon Master?

Obi Seel Kenobi:
I taught your father, you know.

Pellaz Skywalker:
You knew my father, can you tell me anything about him?

Obi Seel Kenobi:
No no, we must not talk about this.

Pellaz Skywalker:
You brought it up!

Obi Seel Kenobi:
Very well. But I won’t tell you anything. Being a Grissecon Master is a long and challenging journey. Your father went to the Dark Side. You must not.

Pellaz Skywalker:
I am so confused.

Obi Seel Kenobi:
We’ll go to the spaceport then. Hire us a pilot. I will begin your training.

Pellaz Skywalker:
Uhhh why, all of the sudden?

Obi Seel Kenobi:
Your aunt’s house just burned down. I am a Grissecon Master, I know this sort of thing, Pell.

R2Ulaume2:
*beep boop* *boop beep tweeee ti fweee*

At the Spaceport

Obi Seel Kenobi:
Pel, I found us a pilot. He’s shady but he’ll get us to where we’re going.

Cal Solo:
Damn right I will.

Flickbacca:
*roar*

Cal Solo:
Oh, don’t complain. Go make dinner.

Flickbacca:
*roar*

Cal Solo:
Fine, then fix the ship.

Pellaz Skywalker:
Cool! Let’s go!

Cal Solo:
What is this kid doing here?

Pellaz Skywalker:
I’m training to be a Grissecon Master!

Cal Solo:
I’m sure you are, kid.

Meanwhile, on an Empire ship

Prince Cobweb:
Let me go!

Darth Thiede:
I think not.

Prince Cobweb:
What do you want? you’ll learn nothing from me!

Darth Thiede:
We shall see.

In Cal Solo’s Ship, the Millennium Uigenna

Cal Solo:
…and don’t touch anything.

Pellaz Skywalker:
I won’t. You are quite stunning, Cal.

Cal Solo:
I… damn it. Go practice or something.

Pellaz Skywalker:
OK!

Lianvis-PO:
I can teach you many secrets and logic you know. I am fully trained and able to…

R2Ulaume2:
*deet deet* *bleep greee ti fweee ti*

Lianvis-PO:
Shut up R2 or I’ll cut off your wire tendrils and reprogram you.

R2Ulaume2:
*dweeeeeeee*

Pellaz Skywalker:
I think I’ll just go practice with Obi Seel.

Obi Seel Kenobi:
Here. Put on this helmet.

Pellaz Skywalker:
Uhh?

Obi Seel Kenobi:
Good. Now try to hit this floating thing with a stick.

Pellaz Skywalker:
You aren’t seri… ow! Stupid floating thing.

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The Enchantments of Flesh and Matrix, Reloaded

The Enchantments of Flesh and Matrix, Reloaded
by Adam P. Knave

Story Notes

Editor\'s PickDate Posted: March 2004

Author Contact: angrybluemonkey@hotmail.com

Opening Scene

Seel:
Calanthe, I have been looking for you. You want to know, what is the Wraethrix, don’t you?

Cal:
I don’t really care what you say.

Pellaz:
Will you listen to me?

Cal:
*sighs* All right, tell me.

Seel:
Very good. You have to choose. Do you take the red Grissecon or the blue Sharing of Breath?

Cal:
So, I get to choose?

Seel:
If you choose the Sharing of Breath, you leave here and pretend this never happened. But, Cal, if you take the Grissecon, you enter into another world. A world you have searched for. You enter, the Wraethrix.

Pellaz:
I’m not supposed to say anything here, you know that, but… well sometimes I get these feelings. Dear Mima, but anyway, I say Grissecon.

Cal:
*looks at Pell and blinks a few times* Right, Grissecon it is then.

Seel:
Very well.

[Insert correct reel with Grissecon scene here]

– Later –

Agent Thiede:
Misssssssssster Calanthe.

Cal:
And who are you?

Agent Thiede:
I am Agent Thiede. You are making a MIStake, Misssster Calanthe.

Cal:
You’d think so, huh? Thanks for sharing.

Agent Thiede:
You should consider this, Misssster Calanthe. If you turn your back on that pack of criminals now you can still save yourself. We are aware of your past. We can make it all go away.

Cal:
Mmm, not interested.

Agent Thiede:
Cal, we know about Zack. The same can happen to Pellaz and Seel.

Cal:
Ha! I drink in the face of danger such as yours!

Agent Thiede:
Well. Not much I can say to THAT I suppose.

– Even Later –

Seel:
Flick, bring us within range of the Wraethrix.

Flick:
You got it.

Seel:
And make me dinner.

Flick:
You know…

Pellaz:
Dinner would be good.

Flick:
Oh, OK, I’ll make dinner.

Seel:
Cal, come meet the rest of the crew. Pell you know. This is Flick, the opharator. Over there are Orien and Cobweb.

Cobweb:
We don’t need anyone new! I hate him!

Orien:
You hate him? Wait a few scenes, my dear.

Flick:
I hate making dinner.

Pell:
Flick, aruna later maybe?

Flick:
*hums as he cooks*

– Guess what troops? It is even later –

Seel:
Cal, I believe you are… The One.

Cal:
It was just aruna, Seel. Very good aruna, granted, but stop with that.

Seel:
No, Cal. You are The One.

Cal:
The One what?

Seel:
The One who can lead us to freedom.

Cal:
I… I can not even begin to … Seel, go to sleep.

*Cal gets up and wanders around the ship – The Saltrock*

Pellaz:
Still awake?

Cal:
Has Seel told you his harebrained theory?

Pellaz:
Cal, you are The One, I believe it.

Cal:
That’s crazy, you know. Look at you! You should be this One person! Not me. Crazy.

Pellaz:
My fate is not yours.

Cal:
Well, obviously, but can the fate talk.

– Look, if I keep telling you it’s later every time I skip ahead, someone is getting smacked –

Cobweb:
I don’t like him at all, this Cal.

Agent Thiede:
Help us then, and we shall help you.

Cobweb:
But Pell likes him. And Pell helped me.

Agent Thiede:
Make up your mind.

Cobweb:
OK, I’ll help you.

Agent Thiede:
Of course you will.

*Meanwhile*

Orien:
Seel, you know he brings only trouble.

Seel:
Orien, old friend, he is The One.

Orien:
I have doubts. Large doubts.

Seel:
I don’t.

*Meanwhile-er (which is not a word but suck it up and cope)*

Pellaz:
So Cal, can you accept that you are The One yet?

Cal:
Maybe, if you stay near me, Pell, I can be.

*Even more meanwhile-ish*

Flick:
I’m all alone. Suck.

– In a different scene that happens to take place at a time considered to be ‘later’ –

Cobweb:
So we go in here, and you and Pell ride into this forest and when you reach the end then you can be the One, OK, Cal?

Cal:
Why are we…

Pellaz:
It’s a nice day, who needs a reason! *rides off*

Cal:
Oh hell. *rides after him*

Pellaz:
Isn’t this just so pre *gets shot*

Cal:
PELL!

*Pellaz dies*

*Later later*

Cal:
ORIEN!

Orien:
What? Cal? What happened?

Cal:
You knew! You know Pell was going to die, didn’t you?

Orien:
Huh? No, see, I’m just on the Saltrock, OK? Whole different… *Cal stabs Orien. A lot. In fact, he makes with the stabbity. A bunch of stabbity*

Seel:
Cal! Why did you …

Cal:
Argh! *runs off, leaves the ship, enters the Wraethrix*

Agent Thiede:
Yesssssss. This will work nicely. If we make a new body for Pellaz here, Missssster Calanthe will be quite confused. If we are lucky he will die.

Cal:
That’s it! You killed Pell! You murdering fuck!

Agent Thiede:
What? You believe that little tale about you being The One?

Cal:
Maybe.

Agent Thiede:
Ridiculous.

*Cal suddenly attacks, moving with bullet time effects and clothes whipping around. Agent Thiede does the same. They hit, they punch bits of concrete and wood fly everywhere all in exquisite slow motion. After a few days of this Agent Thiede explodes in a shower of code and goo.*

Cal:
Huh. I guess I am The One.

Pellaz:
So take me home already?

Cal:
But I saw you die!

Pellaz:
I’ll explain. See, first I woke up and it was really cold…..

*Fade to Black*

-Fin-