See Who I Am

Challenge SubmissionSee Who I Am
by Deathangelgw

Story Notes

Author email: deathangelgw@gmail.com

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They all belong to Storm Constantine! No harm meant, only play!

Warnings: AU, sap, Caeru POV, some angst, some dark, some language, and the dreaded….songfic.

Characters/Pairings: Pell/Rue, hinted Cal/Pell/Rue etc

Spoilers: Books 1-5

Summary: Caeru struggles to recover. Can he allow Pell in and let his hope of being seen win?

Rating: PG-13

Beta: The ever patient MA!

A/N: Written for the Forever Monthly Fanfic Challenge. The song used is ‘See Who I Am’ by Within Temptation. Thanks for reading and feedback is appreciated!

‘thought’
/song lyrics/

See Who I Am

/ Is it true what they say
Are we too blind to find a way
Fear of the unknown
Cloud our hearts today/

I stare out the window and rest my head against the glass as I rest from having walked from my bed to the window seat. It’s a lovely day outside with that touch of summer. I can smell the scent of flowers and grass that wafts in with the warm breeze that’s blowing through the open window. Cuttingtide was a week ago, but the decorations are still up for those festivities. Of course I didn’t get to celebrate since I was in the healing ward after my attack….not that I really wanted to be there. For some reason, the thought of going to that particular ceremony turns my stomach and I realize that my hand is hovering over my scarred belly.

No, the death of one life to bring about another does not appeal to me at all.

I let my hand drop to my thigh and try to ignore how it’s trembling. I feel so weak ever since the attack. Weak and alone and it hurts so much. I can ignore the residual inner physical pain but not always. Sometimes, it’s a dull ache that is only a reminder of what should have been in there for a bit longer, growing. Other times, it’s a sharp pain, almost like I’m being ripped open again. The healers say that I shouldn’t be feeling this pain…that I’ve healed to the point where I can soon even attempt aruna.

I think they’re fucking crazy.

/ Come into my world
See through my eyes
Try to understand
Don’t wanna lose what we have/

Pell’s taken up avoiding me again ever since I was released. Guess I shouldn’t have expected any more. He had treated me like I was a plague after he’d gotten me with pearl…some thank you, huh? I give him what he wants and he drops me like a bad habit. Same with Cal. Though now I’ve heard the rumors that Cal has disappeared. So I guess….I can sorta understand Pell’s pain at the moment. He most likely feels abandoned…helpless…

I take it back. I know exactly how he feels.

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Pale

Challenge SubmissionPale
by Deathangelgw

Story Notes

Author email: deathangelgw@gmail.com

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They all belong to Storm Constantine! No harm meant, only play!

Warnings: AU, sap, Pell POV, some angst, some dark, some language, and the dreaded….songfic.

Characters/Pairings: Pell/Rue, hinted Cal/Pell/Rue etc

Spoilers: Books 1-5

Summary: Pell has lost so much…but will he lose anymore?

Rating: PG-13

Beta: The ever patient MA!

Author’s Note: Written for the Forever Monthly Fanfic Challenge. The song used is ‘Pale’ by Within Temptation. Thanks for reading and feedback is appreciated!

‘thought’
/song lyrics/

Pale

/The world seems not the same
Though I know nothing has changed
It’s all my state of mind
I can’t leave it all behind
Have to stand up to be stronger/

So much has changed. I look back and wonder ‘What more can I bear?’ I could say that I can bear a lot, but in truth I don’t think I can. It’s so funny too. We are Wraeththu. We’re supposed to be the next step for humans and yet we carry many of the same flaws that we did before becoming as we are. The second generation, I know, looks upon us as if we’re just a touch on the crazy side. Maybe we are. We cling to what was while denying it…what does that bring us?

Pain.

Suffering.

Death.

I think about this as I hold onto Caeru’s hand. Caeru, someone I both love and hate. Someone I created a pearl with, whether destined or not. And yet, here he is, near death, sure to be scarred beyond any ability to ever create a pearl again, and I can’t seem to figure out what I can do. Because it’s my fault he’s there.

It’s my fault.

/Have to try
To break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can say goodbye
Have to make it right/

I look up as I hear him sigh again in his sleep and search his pale drawn face, feeling just as drawn and worn down as he looks. Turning my face back to where I am holding his hand, I realize that I can’t even look at where our pearl was cut from his body. I had stayed with him, healing him as best I could even to the brink of death for myself, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t do enough for him and now he’s scarred so horribly that he’ll never be able to become with pearl again.

‘Why didn’t you move faster?!’

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Advent Treasures

Adventure Treasures
by Deathangelgw

Story Notes

Every year, I do ficlets for Advent up until and including Christmas. To me, they are a symbol of the best things and the not so great things for Christmas. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. All of them are owned by Storm baby… Wah!

Rating: G/PG for innuendo

Timeline: HA! Who needs a timeline!

Warnings: AU, fluff, sap.

Part 1: Peppermint and Cocoa

The very soft sounds of humming floated through the halls of the Tigrons’ home as Caeru made his way towards the balcony with a cup of steaming cocoa that had an old fashioned candy cane in it. He grinned as he went out onto the balcony and tugged his cloak around him tighter against the cold wind that was blowing up with the snow that was falling softly to the ground. It wasn’t often that they’d get snow, but when it did, it was a sight to behold. The snow would glitter with the lights from the active city and would becoming almost like trimming on the bodies and hair of most of the hara that were wandering around the city, whether on errands or in search of enjoyment.

But for the Tigrina, it was a time to just watch the world change into a blank slate, wiped clean and white with each new flake that floated down from the overcast sky. In many ways, he found it heartening to know that even nature had a way of making things new. Whenever it began to snow for the first time, or actually at any time, he would wrap himself in his warmest cloaks and come out onto the balcony with a cup of traditional hot cocoa and a candy cane in it and would watch the snow fall. He was never cold for his thoughts and the cloak along with the drink would keep him toasty warm.

But this time, his ponderings were broken as his son peered out onto the balcony before coming out. “Caeru? What are you doing here?” he asked his hostling as he rubbed his hands on his arms in a weak attempt to warm up.

“Watching the snow fall. Care to join me?” Caeru answered with a grin as he patted the seat next to him on the wrought iron bench that he was lounging on. The cushion he patted was fairly hard, but it dipped a little in response to the patting.

Hustling over, Darquiel sat next to his hostling and grinned when Caeru opened the cloak he was wearing to share it with him. He leaned his head against Caeru’s shoulder as the cloak was tightened around them both and sighed happily. He felt so warm against his hostling as that hole in his heart was filled once more with the scent and feel of his hostling holding him close. “So, why are you watching the snow fall?” he whispered through his slightly chattering teeth and grinned when Caeru offered him some of his drink. “What’s this?”

“Hot cocoa with a candy cane. It’ll warm ya a bit,” Caeru explained with a chuckle before placing a kiss on his son’s head. “And I’m watching the snow fall because it’s peaceful,” he added in answer to the previous question.

“Yea I guess, but it’s cold too,” Darquiel pointed out and smiled when Caeru laughed. He didn’t hear Caeru laugh often enough he felt.

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Untouched By Scars

Untouched By Scars
by Deathangelgw

Story Notes

Author email: deathangelgw@gmail.com

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They all belong to Storm Constantine, blessed is she among hara!

Warnings: AU, angst, dark, smut, some language, some sap.

Pairings: Calanthe/Caeru, hinted Pell/Cal/Galdra.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Calanthe realizes that some wounds haven’t healed and that he might be the one to heal them this time.

Beta: not betaed given I didn’t want to bother my Wraeththu beta. All mistakes are mine.

Spoilers: All six books.

A/N: I’ve recently gotten back a bit into the world of Wraeththu as I try to find my own balance in life. This is a private dedication to a very special friend who has been putting up with my shit for the past week and a half and has really gotten nothing but grief and a headache from my sorry ass. She knows who she is and I hope she knows that I appreciate her more than I can ever truly say and that I hope to live up to her expectations some day. This is also a try at getting back into writing and since Caeru is one of those hara special to my heart, he stepped forward. Cross posted. Enjoy and please review.

Untouched By Scars

The sound of the fire crackling in the large stone fireplace greeted Calanthe as he stepped sleepily into the large living area that was central to the guest house that they were staying in within the land of Freygard. He stretched his arms over his head and groaned a bit before sighing as his arms dropped and swung at his sides lazily. He was tired and sore, but in very good ways. Several hours of rooning with Pell and Galdra were definitely an excellent way to get sore. A frown crossed his face briefly though as he went further into the room to go to the small wine shelf in the corner. ‘It would have been better if Caeru had been there,’ he thought sadly as he made his way around the couch that was barely illuminated in the shadows.

He stopped though when he saw a shadowed figure sitting in the plush armchair that was near the fireplace. Shifting closer, his frown deepened as he saw the pale hair that was just touching the equally ashen shoulder that was peeking out of the robe that was slipping off. “Caeru?” he called softly as he got nearer and his eyebrows drew together in worry when the head merely tipped towards him. He noted the open bottle of sheh, but it didn’t look to be too far down and the goblet next to it was half full.

“I’m amazed you’re up. You were certainly loud enough,” Caeru commented quietly, startling Cal from his perusal and making the Tigron glance over at him guiltily before coming all the way around to the front of the chair.

“I was…just coming for a drink,” Cal replied softly as he came into view and gazed down at Caeru. “What are you doing up? I thought…” he trailed off though and shifted uncomfortably on his feet, uncertain all of a sudden. Caeru wasn’t looking at him and his face was strangely blank…closed off. “Caeru, is everything all right?” he asked in concern as he pulled over the other chair and sat down so he could watch Caeru’s face.

“Everything’s fine, Cal. Go back to your two chesna and leave me alone,” Caeru responded flatly before reaching over with a thin hand and grabbing the goblet without even looking. He sipped his drink and held onto his goblet as he continued to stare into the fire.

Something was wrong. Cal couldn’t put his finger on it, but he knew it had something to do with that night. He knew that Pell had wanted him and Galdra to bond, but what was bothering him now was that *Caeru* hadn’t been brought into that fold. ‘Why hadn’t he been asked?’ Cal wondered as he sat back and stared into the fire as well, silently making it clear that he was staying. Caeru didn’t fight him, so he just assumed it was all right and continued to ponder this alarming revelation. He knew things were fractured at best between his two chesna and had only grown more so since Darquiel, Geburael, and Loki’s returns, but he had thought that things had been patched up. Now he knew that he had been seriously mistaken.

Of course, he wasn’t surprised. He knew how much Pell blamed himself for Caeru’s injuries in the past and often would be stubborn and snarly whenever it might be brought up. Caeru, for his part, seemed to have gotten over it, but maybe it wasn’t as clean cut as that. Cal had heard that the scars had forever made it impossible for Caeru to host again, but he doubted that. Not with all they’d learned, but the Tigrina had never expressed an interest in being healed. ‘Or maybe he had never been asked,’ he suddenly pondered and felt sick at the thought. He knew he had been distracted for certain with recent events, but to think that, after learning all he had, that Pell had ‘neglected’ to inform Caeru that they could help him…it just wasn’t right.

“Cal…could I ask you something?”

Caeru’s soft inquiry broke through Cal’s parading thoughts and he looked over. “Of course. What is it?”

A shadow passed over Caeru’s face as he stared at the fire for a few minutes before finally giving voice to his question. “Where were you? On the night I lost Darquiel…where were you?” he whispered thickly, but there weren’t any tears in his eyes, which were locked fixedly on the crackling blaze.

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Ghosts in the Scars

Ghosts in the Scars
by Deathangelgw

Story Notes

Author email: deathangelgw@gmail.com

isclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They belong to Ms. Constantine. No harm intended!

Warnings: AU, some angst, some dark, sap, smut.

Pairings: Calanthe/Caeru, Pellaz.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Sequel to ‘Untouched By Scars’. Pellaz notices the changes, but can he accept the source?

Spoilers: All six books.

Beta: Again, unbetaed. Any mistakes are mine.

A/N: I didn’t think it would end. Pellaz came forward and some poignant scenes were scripted so here we go. Again, this is dedicated to my friend, who is also responsible for getting me into this wonderful world. Cross posted. Feedback is much loved and appreciated!

Ghosts in the Scars

The sounds of the Hegemony disbanding from their day of meetings surrounded Pellaz as he walked down the hall and outside onto the path that led to Phaonica. The gossip about the two missing of the Trifecta floated around him as he left the crowds and it penetrated the thoughtful haze that he had fallen into towards the end of the meeting. He had noticed as well as everyone how Caeru had started to almost glow with peace and happiness. Many were speculating on the impossibility of Caeru being with pearl, but Pell knew it wasn’t that. It was *impossible*. The damage had been extensive from Diablo’s attack and Pell knew it the best since he had worked *days* on trying to save Caeru. Caeru would never host again. End of story.

Wrapping an arm around his waist, Pell sighed as he frowned darkly and focused on the dimly lit path before him. Calanthe had also been AWOL from the meeting and had, in fact, been away from their bed most of the nights since they had returned from Freygard. He had been too tired to think about it since returning had meant the resumption of their duties, but now that he had a moment, he could see the changes. He wasn’t sure what had happened in Freygard, but he wanted to know what was going on and he had a feeling he’d find out if he just followed his instincts.

With a nod, Pell adjusted his path and headed for Caeru’s wing. He thought that the other two were going to join him and was actually surprised that Caeru hadn’t been there since he was almost notoriously strict on attendance. It was a time for gossiping for the Tigrina and the only time he’d missed the Hegemony meetings had been during his convalescence. He winced as he tried to brush past the memory of that time automatically. Some nights he would wake up and look around for Caeru or Cal, even going so far as to search Caeru out in his rooms. Usually his Tigrina was with another har, but it was still reassuring to see Caeru safe and not hurt to the point of death.

Shaking his head on his thoughts, Pell silently opened the door to Caeru’s rooms and went inside. He tilted his head as he heard some soft talking and followed it wordlessly to Caeru’s bedroom. He stopped just outside of the dark curtains in surprise at the picture before him.

Both hara were lying naked together, obviously having just finished a session of aruna, and were smiling at each other as they caught their breath. Cal was resting his head on Caeru’s stomach and stroking the skin as he grinned up at Caeru and Caeru’s silvery laugh suddenly pealed out at whatever Cal murmured. Caeru ran his fingers through Cal’s golden hair as he smiled down at the Tigron, looking so happy and relaxed that it amazed Pell. He hadn’t seen such a carefree look on the Tigrina’s face since…

He stopped in dismay as he tried to remember the last time he had seen that smile. ‘Before Abrimel…in Ferelithia,’ he finally realized as guilt and dismay flooded over him. *He* had been the reason for Caeru not smiling. Their fighting and his shunning Caeru had led to estrangement and sometimes even hate. They had come to a neutral truce, but there had been no love…no need for each other. Or at least on Pellaz’ part. He found that he didn’t *know* anymore how Caeru felt. On top of that, he feared that it might have traveled completely to hate.

Pell watched as Cal leaned up and pressed his lips to Caeru’s in a tender kiss as Caeru’s fingers curled against Cal’s cheek as their kiss deepened into sharing breath. Pellaz felt his stomach clench in shock as he saw that the once horrendous scar on Caeru’s stomach was gone and the skin was smooth once more. His eyes focused up again as he heard a moan and watched as Cal kissed his way down the arched trembling body of Caeru. He felt arousal shoot through him as he watched his two chesna roon each other and yet didn’t join them. There was something more to what they were doing…a connection and a purpose that made their rooning even more erotic and mystical.

He knew then what it was. Cal was doing what Pell himself hadn’t thought of to do for Caeru. He was using the magic of Wraeththu and the power of aruna to heal Caeru. He wondered a bit even on when they had started and had a feeling it was before they had returned from Freygard as he remembered how protective Cal had been of Caeru. And all it had taken had been for them to open up and find the healing within Caeru.

His eyes trailed over Cal’s body as it hunched over Caeru’s lower half and Rue’s cries of pleasure washed over him as the other blond arched and clung to Cal’s head as he was pleasured. Caeru’s pleas urged Calanthe up and their twin groans jolted through Pell as they joined together again. Their mouths meshed in mimicry of what their lower bodies were doing and their soft encouragement warmed the ice within Pell as he watched them. When they reached their peaks, he watched them glow and could see the radiance within Caeru spread over the areas that had been damaged and noted how much brighter and cleaner the shine was. He watched them collapse together after a few minutes and he stepped away from the curtain, mixed feelings rioting through him as he left them.

When he and Cal had first been reunited, he had wanted them to get along. And they had for a while, but after Darquiel’s abduction and disappearance, their relationship had splintered into shards. Caeru had pulled into himself and Cal had blamed himself for having failed to protect the Tigrina, much as Pell had. But now they were healing the shards as well as Caeru…so now Pell had to wonder something.

Where did that leave him?

Sadly, Pell returned to the rooms he knew he’d have to himself that night and for who knew how long. He had a feeling that fate had taken another path and he wasn’t on it any longer with the two that he knew he loved. But he had to be Tigron and wrapped himself in his duties. From then on, he would just have to suffice himself with what could be given him. He no longer deserved more since he had failed the two closest to his heart. The ghosts of the scars would always haunt him.

The End

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